I’m afraid to complain about a coworker who is rude and foul-mouthed

Dear Workplace Dilemmas,

I’ve been working in the small office of a nonprofit organization for about two years, and six months ago another employee joined our staff. Over time, she's become increasingly rude and demanding. This is something that both visitors to the office and other co-workers have noted. She’s argumentative about everything, big or small; she resists any kind of help or suggestions concerning her work; she won’t inform me about important meetings; she yells at people over the phone and uses the f-word often.

My boss either doesn’t notice this or isn’t bothered by it, as far I can tell, but I feel like I’m always tiptoeing around my coworker. I’m so miserable being around her that I’m thinking about quitting. I don’t want to appear whiny by complaining to the boss, and I don’t think it would be productive to confront my co-worker either. I’m afraid I’m going to blow up and say something I regret. What can I do to make the office tolerable again?

Holding my Tongue

Dear Holding

The way you describe the situation, it is highly doubtful that your boss doesn't know what is going on. More likely, she is uncomfortable with confrontation and is avoiding dealing with the coworker, perhaps hoping that the situation will resolve itself. Uncomfortable or not, it is her job to deal with this type of behavior.

I’d recommend that you take a couple of actions. First, document the situations in which your coworker is rude and obnoxious to clients and other coworkers. If you’re hesitant to approach your boss alone, ask coworkers who are bothered by the same behavior to go with you to talk to the boss. Be prepared for this meeting with the list of situations in which this person was rude.

If your other coworkers are unwilling to go with you, talk to your boss on your own anyway. Look at it this way: The situation is already so intolerable that you are prepared to quit, so you really have little to lose.

By talking to the boss, you’re doing a favor to yourself and your coworkers. When you get the meeting, stick to describing your coworker’s behaviors and how they affect you and others. Don't express your personal feelings about your coworker. Ask your boss if she has any suggestions about how you could improve the situation. Mention positive things about work, other coworkers and the situation before the new coworker arrived.

If your boss is intimidated by this person, knowing that she has the support of the rest of the staff may help her take action. She may also begin to realize that if action isn't taken, valued staff will leave.

Hopefully these actions will improve the situation. If they don’t, you can take satisfaction in knowing that you did what you needed to do and move on to find a healthier work environment.

Harvey Deutschendorf

Harvey Deutschendorf is an emotional intelligence coach living in Alberta Canada and author of The Other Kind of Smart: Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Greater Personal Effectiveness and Success [2]